Listen up!

A bit of negativity this week as we take a look at some of the worst gimmicks in squared-circle history. Here are my all-time faves:

Festus and Jesse
It's only been a few weeks, but on "Smackdown!" these two are now part of a "moving company," where they encase their opponents up in bubble wrap and cart them away. Add that to the already-convoluted angle where Festus goes from vegetable to monster when the ringside bell sounds, and I'm at cute-storyline-overload. I know WWE is trying to parody the "Smackdown!" move to My Network TV, but -- give me a break.

Podcast: 'Old School, New School' -- Episode 86

Irwin R. Shyster
I never fell for this WWF 80s gimmick for Mike Rotunda. It was just lame. Rotunda was fine as himself, but Vince McMahon -- back in the day -- always gave regular guys cartoon character personalities. This one bugged me the most because my suspenion of disbelief was shattered. Why would a man -- even if he were the biggest scumbag on Earth -- would name himself I.R.S.? It was a dopey, bankrupt idea from the start, and not especially successful for Rotunda. How many big WWE titles did he hold? My point exactly.

Unmasking Rey Mysterio
Talk about being short-sighted. This WCW debacle may go down in history as one of the dumbest moves to destroy someone's mystique. Thankfully, when Mysterio moved over to WWE, the mask stayed on. I'm hoping it'll stay there until he retires.

Eugene
Nick Dinsmore was a talented grappler, but Vince McMahon thought he could only wrestle as someone with a learning disability. Wrestling characters should poke fun at those who deserve it. I'm not sure the mentally challenged fit that category. I'm glad Eugene is gone, but I'd sure like to see what Dinsmore could do in the ring.

Doink The Clown
I never enjoyed this 80s disasster. It's not that I'm afraid of clowns. I'm just afraid of wrestling clowns. Perhaps that's why I cringe when Dustin Rhodes somehow gets back on the air.

I know I've just scratched the surface. There are probably hundreds of really bad gimmicks out there. What are your picks? E-mail me your selections right here, and I'll share them with the class in a future column. All I need is a tidy well-written paragraph for each -- nothing more.

Which brings me, of course, to the weekly podcast offered here. It’s called "Old School, New School" and Episode 86 is ready for you to download right here. This week, Dr. Mike Lano and George Schire offer their "worst gimmick" choices. We also wonder about WWE's push of Russian Vldimir Kozlov and talk a lot of smack about "Smackdown's!" big TV move.

That's it.

Time to scram, because class is … dismissed!

(Professor Wrestling is a masked employee of Internet Broadcasting, hailing from Parts Unknown. Got a question, comment, complaint? E-mail him right here. )